refining old school runescape toxic yaoi + new yaois AND new yumes just dropped (18+)

13/04/2025

tw: i'm insane, i have no excuses, dead dove: do not eat, i don't even know whats going on here

apologies in advanced for doing this again. i thought if i wrote a post about the osrs yaoi brainworms it'd be over and i would be free to think new thoughts. i was wrong. all writing that post has revealed to me is how much more i have to say on this topic. i can't even guarantee this will be the last time i do this. alas, a fujoshis work is never over.

last time i put a lot of emphasis on making the post as comprehensible as physically possible. i'm well aware the venn diagram overlap of fujoshis and people who play runescape is so incredibly thin that i felt a duty to explain my thought process, but condensing runescape's 24 years of lore into a tiny yaoi primer was such a monumental task. so i feel i did not get the opportunity to go as back-wild as i had hoped!! i was also more interested in coming up with as many pairings as i could... i was inventing the yaoi after all, and i wanted to have a nice range to pick from! this time i want more freedom to yap about my favourites though.

same as last time, this post will include spoilers that i'm actually not going to hide for the refining portion... i tried to, but it just resulted in half this post blocked out. sorry!! writing these posts is such a weird exercise for me! i think the runescape lore is so well written and excellent that i loathe to spoil it for anyone, but i also want to go on about it constantly! unfortunately this is the best i can do.

i will still hide them for the new yaois i'm bringing to the table though. since writing the last post, i have officially completed every quest currently available in old school runescape, and i did in fact pick up a couple new juicy ships in the process. on the flip side, this means that unless i have a mega brain blast on something i've missed, there won't be any new hot yaoiz to invent until they add some new quests to the game. but maybe that's just more time to dream up new ideas for the ships we've already decided on...

i'm again not too interested in defining the classic yaoi roles for most of these ships just yet. for a lot of them i can see it going either way, which is very rare for me. aside from a few outliers, i'm usually quite strict on my top/bottom preferences... but right now i'm not super interested in the semantics of how they bone anyway. i'm much more interested in cooking up some insane circumstances to put them into!!

that being said, when it comes to fandom play i'm usually more drawn to alternate universes... i like to let a work speak for itself, and sometimes even when i ship two characters viciously i still couldn't imagine them actually together in canon. i like placing them in fresh new environments that could bring them together and imaging what they would do as characters (and also how they would kiss and do other unspeakable things). but runescape seems to be breaking this rule for me as well!! maybe my love for medieval aus has something to do with it. though now that i think about it, maybe a zamorak and saradomin office au could be something... i have to keep cooking. we need to go deeper. and thats what this is all about baby!!!

lets start with the new yaois

khazard x hazeel

✦ protégé/mentor ✦ aickering ✦ allies ✦ age gap ✦

back at it again with some mahjarrats!! the mahjarrat questline is just so spicy, there's so much brought to the table by this powerful skeletal race... this one really surprised me though! i had no idea that khazard and hazeel knew each other, let alone that hazeel was a mentor to khazard..... i have age gap up there, but its really similar to lowerniel x safalaan from last time where its kind of hard to know the intricacies of the gap due to them being a completely different and long-living species... but i will grip tightly to any crumb of age gap that i can.

mostly these guys are just very silly (positive)!! another good couple that bicker through the quest that brings them together!!

sliske x azzanadra

✦ ????? ✦ betrayal? ✦ there's something going on ✦

when i say i'm inventing old school runescape yaoi, i want to emphasize the old school part. for those completely unaware to the game, runescape has two versions: runescape 3 (rs3), the game that has been developed and updated since 2004, and "old school" runescape (osrs), a 2007 back up of the game as it existed at the time (and now with new updates of its own) that came out in 2013. basically, the developers changed the game so much that a lot of players became dissatisfied and begged for the old version back, so they split the game in half... if you're familiar with world of warcraft, it's like how there's WoW and then WoW classic (at least i think it's the same... i've never played WoW)

while they are effectively different games now, there's a lot of shared lore that diverges at a certain point. a point we aren't even fully aware of yet? since the osrs team has been backporting quests from rs3 into osrs... anyway, this is all beside the point. the point is! i'm emphasizing the creation of old school yaoi because runescape yaoi already exists, and at least by archiveofourown's count, sliske/azzandra is the most popular pairing.

for the uninitiated: truth be told, there's not a lot to go off of here as for as old school goes. sliske has just made his first appearance in game in the quest desert treasure II, which came out in 2023. i know from talking to people who have played deep into rs3 quests that he's a huge character, and the impression he leaves at the end of the quest is insane. you just know there's big things going on with this guy. but not really specifically what...

what we do have is that hazeel refers to sliske as azzanadra's "pet," and if you know me you know that's something to get excited over!! they're mahjarrat characters with a long history together, but sliske's entry quest has him operating solo and effectively at odds with azzandra.... so there's possibly a bit of betrayal going on too!! i can't really comment on their dynamic too greatly right now, but i'm excited to see how things flourish in future quests. sliske also just seems like the kind of character i want to see get pounded........

spoiler wall! jump to the yume zone to read on without spoilers!

righting a wrong: drezel x ivan strom

before i get going hard though, i want to comment on something i completely messed up last post. i had misremembered the details of the sins of the father quest and misattributed veliaf's overprotection of ivan strom to drezel. i recently got to reexperience the quest through alienfood's unguided series on youtube (which you should watch btw, whether you are familiar with osrs or not), and was quite shocked at my misstep!! drezel wasn't overprotective of ivan at all, in fact he was all for ivan going headfirst into danger!! all the overprotectiveness came from veliaf!!

instead of seeing this as a strike against what makes that ship special, i see this as an opportunity. an opportunity for two yaoi ships. drezel x ivan still has some sauce regarding the age gap and priesthood student/teacher aspects - that alone is enough to make me sufficiently insane. but now veliaf x ivan has heat too... overprotection/possessiveness is super juicy!! they also had some pretty heartbreaking dialogue at the end of the quest, setting up for an interesting dynamic in the future... a future we'll see very soon, since the osrs team recently announced the next installment in the myreque questline is on its way!! exciting times for scaping fujos

re: lowerniel drakan x safalaan hallow

speaking of the myreque questline, of course i have to get started on refining with lowerniel and safalaan. watching alienfood's playthrough of sins of the father reminded me of another pivotal thing i forgot when writing the last post: the quests ends with safalaan captured by lowerniel and the vampyres. one thing about me is that i love a kidnapping yaoi. i love twisted and dark possession that drives men to do unspeakable deeds!! and while this isn't exactly a case of kidnapping so much as capturing a political enemy because he was too broken to escape after combat, it'll still suit my tastes just fine.

whats cool about it is that lowerniel has little to no interest in the myreque at all. sins of the father marks his first appearance in old school runescape, and his entry monologue is dramatic and has some real banger lines about how everything that goes on in morytania happens because he allows it, because he doesn't care to stop them. lowerniel has bigger things on his mind - things we don't really know about! it's been teased that he's upset he lost this super powerful stone, but the intricacies of it haven't really been revealed. anyway, some might see this lack of interest as detrimental to the shipping process, but i think it introduces a dynamic with many possibilities.... aggressive captor takes out his frustrations on the captee? or perhaps even leaning on each other over their desperations?

the latter is a bit idealistic given their history (lowerniel did orchestrate the brutal death of safalaan's family)... but even as someone who likes dark and torturous toxic yaoi, i generally still like them to have a happy(ish) ending! or an ending where they are mutually "in love" anyway, even if the form that takes isn't all sunshine and rainbows (or can even be truly considered "love" at all). and i've read BLs before that start with sick and twisted semes torturing the ukes but still manage to end in them happily together, so i like to think through the power of fujoshi glasses anything is possible... maybe lowerniel abuses safalaan to vent his frustrations, and overtime grows to love him in his own twisted way... his obsession with the stone lessening as it becomes replaced with an obsession with safalaan... at this point safalaan would hate him with his entire being, but maybe start to emphasize with him despite his intense desire not to? a stockholm syndrome type deal? and all this would come to a head in whatever scheme the player character cooks up to free safalaan and take the vampyres down...! man. i'm so excited for the next quest and to somehow twist it into my fujo narrative.

maybe lowerniel stopped caring about morytania entirely. we know he's a twisted and cruel guy, but as a lover of the hunt i can see him becoming fed up with vampyre aristocracy... maybe he likes the fighty nature of the myreque, even if they dare step to him, and safalaan gives him some thrill of hunt he hasn't experienced since the god wars??

i'm not usually one to enjoy tragic endings/major character death, in fact they tend to piss me off (i don't come to yaoi for realism!! i don't care if a bad character deserves to die!!), but i think a scenario where they get down and dirty and into a guilty love-hate situationship while safalaan is captured that ends with safalaan killing lowerniel could be really spicy too.... spend nights hot and heavy out of exploded tension, close and clinging but hateful and guilty all the same, only for safalaan to not even flinch in a final confrontation because lowerniel ruined his life so.... maybe lowerniel would haunt him for years, even though lowerniel would deserve it and more for what he's put safalaan through, safalaan couldn't help but miss the man he spent so many nights with..... this is very similar to my vision for zaros x zamorak actually. speaking of,

re: zaros x zamorak

unlike the (currently) unfinished plotline regarding lowerniel and safalaan, we already know zaros is dead... or at the very least that zamorak stabbed him. i haven't ruled out the idea that he could come back - he is part of a race we really don't know much about - and i believe he does actually come back in runescape 3 lore, but the osrs team has stated they don't intend to get the gods involved in our lore at all so i think it's pretty safe to assume he's effectively dead. though a return of zaros would be pretty interesting... he wouldn't necessarily have to come back to gielinor to have some effect... but that's a tangent!! almost let my pure love of runescape lore get in the way of my perverted fujo ramblings there.

my main thoughts are pretty similar to that last idea i spat out for lowerniel and safalaan, but maybe more tragic in a betrayal kind of way? zamorak was his highest-ranking general! i'm thinking about private meetings getting too heated, maybe a kind of "teachers pet" dynamic, zamorak torn between his dissatisfaction in the zarosian empire and his love of zaros himself... something very julius caesar maybe? and after zamorak makes his great betrayal, maybe he would come to understand zaros deeper.... he would experience the pains of heading his own army and want to ask zaros questions, or celebrate his successes together...

and maybe if zaros is still out there somehow and able to come back, they could meet again and have an ugly fight over what happened. beating the bloody hell out of each other until they grind a certain way here and touch a certain way there, and it becomes passionate and hateful and!!!! i love enemies. what can i say.

re: zamorak x saradomin

i know i literally just said i probably wouldn't really be getting into aus but i kind of cooked with the office au for these two... maybe its because they have very little sauce in the work itself (that we know of, anyway), but aus seem to be a good avenue for these folks!! something "they sure are standing next to each other" about this. but whatever. lets talk offices.

i really like office bl! they're pretty popular in korean webtoons, and for this pairing i'm thinking something along the lines of moscareto and doyeon oh's "you get me going" (which is one of my all time favourite bl webtoons btw). two rivaling workers that can't stand each other but get entangled in a sexual affair that leads to strong feelings. one that's chaotic and unfeeling and another that's rational and orderly... they make each other worse but also better?

i'd like to think of them this way in canon, too... we know that with the edicts of guthix, saradomin and zamorak were banished from gielinor, but we don't really know where they went after. maybe they found another world to fight over? maybe zamorak returned to freneskae and saradomin followed him? maybe they're just kinda floating along, bickering over what went down on gielinor? i like to think at some point they got bored and just started playing cards. something like tehnoobshow's portrayal, anyway. and also they kiss. because of course.

re: zemouregal x arrav

ummmm when i started this post i was really excited to expand on all the nasty ideas i had for these guys but now i'm too embarrassed about it. i'm not usually one for eroguro but........ i'm thinking a lot of thoughts!!! thoughts that even got me freaked out!!! it's a ship that's all-around very unlike me, anyway...

spoilers wall lifted!

yume zone

in completing all the quests in the game, i not only picked up some new ships but i also picked up a couple new babes in the process!!

elena

THE runescape gf. honestly sometimes sote really felt like playing a dating sim because of the dialogue with her. the game heavily heavily hints at something deep between the two of you - which is fair, we've been through a lot together!! - and i fell for it. that's wife.

arianwyn

there isn't much i can say about this one without majorly spoiling the quest. just know that i can fix him

sliske?!?!?

dude i know he's probably evil and he's literally just a shapeshifting skeleton but the end of desert treasure 2 left me so gagged........ similar to arianwyn, there isn't really anything i can say that won't spoil the quest, but just know... he has It™

and a special shout out to three characters that aren't really my beloveds but i do think they're very sexy: lord piquan crwys, lord ieuan amlodd, and lady carys hefin