i'm doing better (at least for now)

09/05/2025

hello everyone! my last few personal diary entries were quite depressing in nature, so i thought it'd be nice to pop in while i'm a better head space. i find being in higher spirits makes me a lot less reflective in some ways, so i don't generally spend much time having ruminating on myself when i'm doing well... which i don't think is very conductive to becoming the person i want to be!! i think reflecting on what i'm doing during these times could help me keep track of what keeps my spirits up and return to them in my lower moments... so let's go over what i've been doing lately!

i'm very busy these days! i thought when the semester ended i would have a lot more free time. and i did, for a little bit, but my favourite annual convention is fast approaching and there is a lot of sewing to do!! it's kind of funny, i was looking at pictures from last year on my instagram the other day, and i had captioned the post with "doing all the sewing at the last possible moment almost killed me. I will Not learn from this." and it's true!!!! i did not learn!!!! agh!!! which is actually very horrible for me, because i have a lot more sewing to do this year than i did last. but we'll make it somehow.

i was going to chat a little about my ideas for my outfits but i am hoping to actually make a timely diary entry discussing the con this year instead of procrastinating until i lazily tack a paragraph onto another post. so i will just talk about them then!! in addition to the outfits for me though, i'm also making my friend a cosplay of maomao from the apothecary diaries. i've never actually watched apothecary diaries, but the more i work on it for her the more curious i am... maybe it would help me make a better finished product too... it's my first time making traditional clothing of any variety so i'm a little worried about getting the shapes and the fit right, but i'm always happy to try something new with sewing!

that being said, the colours for her top have been giving me a lot of trouble to track down! my friend and i took a trip to toronto's fabric district the other day and went to tons of stores, but i'm still missing one colour and i'm not happy with another that i did get. it was really fun going into all the stores and looking at fabrics with my friend though! the weather was nice and we had lunch and went to a gachapon place too. we had incredible luck with our gacha pulls - altogether we pulled three things and got the thing we wanted the most from all of them!! it was really nice time ♡

i do want to talk a little about my hopes for the convention, because i think having something i'm excited about to look forward to has helped me out a lot. i'm really really hoping for some golden kamuy stuff. i don't think there'll be much (if any) fan merch from artists since it's not very popular in the west, but if i can get some crumbs from the vendors booth i would be happy..... i also put in a request for a couple of sugio djs from the doujinshi dealers and i really really hope they managed to get at least one...!

i'd also really like to finally buy that damn 6%dokidoki mesh shirt this year! i see it every single year and i always really want it but can't justify the price, but this year i think i'll be in a better position to acquire it. that being said, i recently discovered an alt fashion store in toronto that carries acdc rag, and i told myself if i have enough money left over after the con then i would go back and buy an acdc rag sweater... so i have to choose between two beloved jfashion brands..... and that's just if i have money leftover from buying blorbo stuff!!!

outside of con prep, i've mostly just been working at my part time job and (you guessed it) playing runescape. work is work. it's hard for me to stay positive about it all the time, but i am an optimist by trade so i make of it what i can. the runescape hyperfixation is healthy as ever. i'm working on base 80s right now and i'm suuuuper close! the sewing has made progress slow down considerably, but i'm hoping to hit it before the con! this is the first time in a long time i've had people to chat about the game with too, and having that social aspect has made playing so much more enjoyable for me. i love sharing progress and goals with others!!

on that note, i've been doing a bit better with my social anxiety too. i'm still not where i used to be and do get really bent out of shape and embarrassed after social interactions sometimes... changing my habits in interacting has been a bit of an uphill battle. but i guess you can't expect everything to be completely linear... i think the most important thing is i'm not wallowing in it as much anymore. it got pretty debilitating for a moment, but i'm back in motion i think!!

i feel like whenever spring comes and the weather turns nicer like this, i get a big burst of energy. it's kind of annoying to realize i am not immune to relying on the sun!!! maybe one day i'll remember to take supplements during the grey canadian winter... i love winter, but i do tend to spiral a bit more during the colder seasons. maybe with a few more happy reflections like this, i'll know what action to take in my somber months.

so happy i could die - lady gaga